God of this City

I had heard this song a few times before, and it really touched me. I thought it was very powerful. Then, last Wednesday, we played it at the end of the youth service and I've been singing it to myself ever since then. I really do believe that there is no one like our God and greater things have yet to come. I pray everyday that God will do something great here where we live. But we have to be willing to help Him do so. I know that means stepping out of our comfort zones and not conforming to what the world around us want us to be.


"God of this City" by Chris Tomlin

[Verse 1]
You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

[Verse 2]
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

[Verse 1]

[Verse 2]

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

I should be asleep.

Well, I really thought that now that I was done with school, I would finally be over my horrible habit of procrastination.

NOPE.

Here I am, still awake, getting things ready for camp... and we are supposed to be leaving at 4am... which is only 2 and a half hours from now. At this point, I think I will just stay up... not even bother going to sleep. I was supposed to be the first one driving, but now Stacee it driving first. So, I suppose I can sleep then, once we are in the car. We have our first stop picked out--guess what it is? In'n'Out in Kingsman, AZ. Haha! That will be the last one we see for the summer, so we figured that we've gotta hit it up. LOL

I really shouldn't be writing this now... I should be finishing my packing. It's just, my mind has been going all crazy these past couple days. I'm excited, yet scared... hopeful, yet nervous. I'm glad Cassandra will be there to help me along through the process. But I can't help but think about how much I'm going to miss everyone back home. I know it's only 2 months, but thats the longest I'll have ever been away. I wanted to cry when leaving church tonight, after the Genesis bible study.

Anyway... I better get back to this whole packing thing. I am so unorganized right now.

Pennsylvania, here we come! *cries*

The grass is always greener...

Call me selfish or stubborn, but I am just so frustrated right now... I need to write and let it out.

Tonight was supposed to be a fun one, hanging out with friends and playing games. But early on into it, I received a text message from my mom that made me so upset I had to step outside.

So, my sister, Amanda, has gone up to Washington to spend some time with her father and step-mom this summer. She is supposed to be coming back down sometime in July. Now, my sister has always preferred time with them over time with my mom and step-dad. I'm sure if it's mostly because they let her do pretty much whatever she wants, they don't give her many restrictions, and she finally has a chance to be "herself"--but she's always ranted and raved about how much she loved being with them. Then, she would come home and have to start living by the rules set in our house, and it would drive her crazy. There was a time in high school where she really started to rebel. She began to do a lot of stuff behind our parents' backs... and even mine when I thought I could trust her. Because of this, my mom began to put her on tighter restrictions. It took quite a while for them to loosen their reigns, but I think it was rightfully so. By the time she started college, she had pretty much gained back most of their trust and they treated her like an adult.

Well, now she's up there visiting her dad. My mom received a call from my sister tonight in which they were dicussing flight arrangements for Amanda to come home. Then, they all got on conference call because Amanda apparently had an announcement to make. She said that she has decided that she wants to move up to Moses Lake, WA to live her dad and step-mom... which means dropping out of Cal State Fullerton (after just completing her first year) and attending their local community college instead. When I read that in the text message from my mom, I was almost instantly filled with anger. I started to respond, then decided I should step outside and call my mom instead.

I called her, and she answered... crying. My mom and I have had our ups and downs... which is normal. We don't always agree and sometimes we say or do things that hurt each other. However, I couldn't help but feel really sorry for her. She started to explain exactly what happened, told me how the conversation went and how she felt. After listening--and taking that time to cool down a bit-- I voiced my opinion. I told my mom not to stress or be upset about it. Amanda is an adult and, therefore, can make her own decisions. If she wants to move out of state to live with her dad, then that's her choice.

BUT, along with that decision she's going to have to realize how much she is giving up. My parents have always done their best to provide for us. She's had her own room since elementary school. She's always gotten new clothes and shoes whenever she needed. They paid tons of money and spent lots of time getting her through acting/modeling classes, taking 2 trips to New York City for IMTA competitions--at which she actually got signed by an agent here in Los Angeles. They gave her a car that was practically new to drive, while my step-dad goes car-less most of the week. They paid her tuition, gas and insurance all through her entire first year of college. They weren't making her get a job so that she could keep her focus on school. These are just the main things my parents have done for her. Looking at all that, her life doesn't seem so hard now does it?

Yet, for some reason, she is convinced that the grass is greener on the other side. I just don't understand how she can just take all of that for granted. If I was her, I would be jumping at the opportunity to pursue that acting career-- I was never given the chance to like she was. Her and I recently got into a HUGE fight about it, in fact. I tried to convince her not to give it up... to keep in touch with her agent and try to do it on the side of school, with her free time. Yet she argued saying that she didn't want to anymore, that she just wanted to focus entirely on school and get it done as soon as possible, so she could teach high school theater. And now, now she is willing to throw it all away to go to some community college in the middle of nowhere? She was so head-strong, so sure that she was right and I was wrong... and now look at the situation.

Also, after some of the things her dad has done... I don't understand how she can still be so blinded by him. She thinks that living with him will be some kind of fairytale. But believe me, if she knew some of the stuff I know about him, I don't think she would want to anymore. These things, though, we haven't shared with her because we didn't want to hurt her or make her feel unwanted. All I have to say is that she doesn't realize how much trouble my mom and step-dad have gone through for her. It breaks my heart that she can just drop them and think life would be better off away from them.

Her and I had become very close at one point... but we've began to drift apart. She actually told me not too long ago that she can't really talk to me "because we don't really see eye-to-eye on many things." Oh, well excuse me. Isn't it good to talk to someone with a different opinion every once in a while? I'm sorry that I'm only your sister trying to be there for you and not one of your cool liberal friends trying to convince you that there can be world peace if only she stands up for any person who has ever been wronged. She has a good heart and good intentions, yet she can't seem to wake-up from her dreamworld and see that not everyone sees things the way she does.

Whatever. She's an adult. She can make her own decisions. Since she's an adult, she can also find herself a job and start taking more responsibility for herself. She can get her own car and her own insurance. I'm just glad to know that she's willing to just leave us behind on the drop of a hat, to go live with her cooler family. I just hope that she doesn't completely lose grip of reality and begin to compromise the bits and pieces of good morals that she believes in now.

I don't think this is the best decision for her at the moment. But who I am to say what is right and what is wrong? All I can say is that her decision has hurt my mom more than she will ever know. And that is not okay with me.

Class of 2009

Well, that’s it. I am officially a graduate of California State University, Long Beach. I graduated today with a B.A. in liberal studies—not that I am a liberal in any way, LOL. I can officially say good-bye to essays, quizzes, exams, annoying group projects, faulty printers, textbooks, grumpy professors, and those completely uncomfortable desks. Never again will I have to attend another class or wake-up at the crack of dawn to finish a paper. Never again will I have to live in fear of totally bombing an exam. Never again will I have to be paired up with some incompetent classmate, only to end up doing their entire portion of our project. Never again will I have to feel the pressures of being a full-time college student.

Now, when I say “never”, I mean for as long as I choose not to go back to school. It is well known that many individuals end up back in school further down the road, only to pursue an entirely new career. That may happen to me someday, God only knows at this point, but for now I will bask in the glory of the fact that I am done with it all in this chapter of my life. I look forward to not stressing over homework for quite some time. I have already freaked myself out thinking, “Oh no! Do I have homework due tomorrow?! Oh… wait… I’m not in school anymore!” After I remind myself of that simple little fact, I can’t help but smile. I worked hard at this whole “college thing” for five years, and I must say that I worked my butt off sometimes. Yeah, sure, I procrastinated… a lot, on practically everything. Still, I did my best to get good grades and maintain a good GPA. I can’t help but feel a little proud of myself, like I need to pat myself on the back. Sure, I’ve stated on many occasions that college is over-rated, and I truly believe that it is in many aspects. But, you know what? I did it. I accomplished something big in my life.

I cannot take all the credit, though. If it wasn’t for the love and support of those around me, I probably would not have finished… or at least not yet. I’m thankful for my dad, helping with the finances for tuition so generously, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about paying back student loans for the rest of my life. I’m thankful for my mom and step-dad for helping me buy all the millions of textbooks I needed over the last few years, it truly helped me a lot. I’m thankful for all my friends who helped me out in any way they could, whether that meant letting me use their computer or printer (Can you believe it that I made it through 5 years of college without ever owning my own printer?), or staying up all night with me while I wrote a paper. I will never forget the time both Brittany and I had to do some major studying and/or writing, and we pulled an “all-nighter,” keeping each other awake via text messages. We managed to make it through practically the whole night, only taking a one hour nap at one point. LOL. Now THAT’S good times.

Most of all, I just want to thank God for giving me the strength to press on at those times when I, oh so badly, wanted to just give up. He showed me that there was light at the end of that long tunnel. I’m especially thankful for those times He gave me the right answers on tests that I did not study for, haha!

Nevertheless, these last five years have definitely been interesting ones. I have definitely had my ups and my downs. Not only was I tested in school, but also in other areas of my life. Some of those tests I failed so badly that I may never be able to make up for it—but I will try not to dwell on those failures. Instead, I need to focus on the good that has come out of my life and the things I have done well. So, with that said, I am proud to say that I have officially graduated as part of the CSULB Class of 2009!!

“Go Beach”! Pshhhhhh… yeah ok...

P.S. Over the course of the next couple weeks, I fully intend to sleep in at least 5 days out of the week. LOL. I deserve it.

It's about time.

It has obviously been a while since I last posted on here. There are many reasons and excuses. But those are not important. The main thing is that I'm going to try to put in more of an effort into posting more often... afterall, that was one of my "new year resolutions". Ha!

However, I am just not in the mood for it right now. Actually, I am FAR from being in the mood right now. I just wanted to put this out there so that any one who reads this (which is probably no one by now) will know that there will be entries coming up soon.

Oh great. School.

It's finally here. My last semester of college... hopefully. If all goes well and I pass my classes, I will be graduating in May.

My first class isn't until 10am, but I got here at 8am to make sure I didn't run into any major parking issues like I did last semester. I got here this morning with plenty of parking.

I'm taking four classes, three of them are on Tuesday and all four on Thursday. They are basically back to back, with no big breaks in between. I like it that way though, because the day goes by faster that way. However, between my second and third class I have only 15 minutes to get COMPLETELY across the entire campus pretty much. So, since I obviously had a lot of time before my first class today, I ventured out to find the location of the music center, to find my art/music capstone class. Once I found it, I timed myself to see how fast I could get to the location of the next class. Like I already said, I have 15 minutes to get from the north side of campus (art/music) to the south side (math). I made it in 12 minutes. *whew* At least I know I can make it, although I'm afraid I will be all sweaty and huffy-puffy everytime. lol. There are a lot of stairs!!

I swear that I have the worst luck on these school computers. They always fail on me. I came to the library to pass more time, and I signed into a computer. Just as I was signing into blogger and starting a myspace survey (of course, lol), it froze on me!! Then I restarted it, and once it was done... it was reserved for someone else!! Wtf!? So then I had to sign into another... and it refused to accept my password. Ugh. It looks like it's okay now... *knock on wood*.

God, please help me through this final semester. Father, keep my focused on my work and studies... but at the same time help me not stress too much. I just want to finally be done with school... at least for now. So please, Father, guide me and keep me focused through this last stretch. Amen.

Is this MY sign?

*sigh*... Not that I want to go to New Mexico. haha

Hm. Interesting.

Today, Obama officially became the new President of the United States of America. All I can do is pray that he follows through with all those promises he has made, and that he will run this country fairly. I need to respect him as our leader, and I will try my best to do so.

But I must say, people have already been treating him like a celebrity, like one of the best presidents in our country's history. He hasn't even served one day yet. I really hope that it doesn't continue to be a popularity contest, but rather, remains focused on the important issues that this country faces every day. It really doesn't matter what color or gender our president is, just as long as they serve as a respectable leader. I just wish people would stop treating him as if he was as great as Lincoln already. Being president isn't easy, and none of them have been perfect. I guess time will tell. Once agian, being a good speaker does not always mean a good leader. But I pray that God will guide him and help him to make the right decisions while in office.

But what really irked me... the man who was supposed to be saying a prayer after Obama spoke. It started out fine and dandy. But near the end, he started to recite this little rhyme/poem. It was along the lines of, "May the black... May the yellow... May the red..." and talking about the different colors of people, and it was making the onlookers laugh. But, the very last one was: "May the white embrace what is right." I'm sorry... but I thought that was kind of rude. I feel like that was crossing the line and only a tad bit prejudice. Because, you know, us white people still need to learn to accept "what is right" because we are all still depriving people of their individual rights. Oh, yeah... okay. Whatever, maybe I took it the wrong way... but that's just how it came across to me.

God bless America and our new president, Barack Obama.

Yeah, basically.

In the wise words of Weezer:

"I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

No I don't care
I don't care"



(Oh... and everyone should go see "Seven Pounds," starring Will Smith. It's amazing.)

Hope for a Good New Year.

Last night we wished good riddance to 2008, and welcomed 2009 with open arms.

So much has changed over the last year... and I've learned many, many lessons. 2008 was full of good times and also some bad. But what year isn’t? I’ve gone on many adventures and missed opportunities… lost some friends and gained new ones… laughed ‘til I cried and cried ‘til I laughed… I really think this was the year of give and take. I tried not to do anything that I would regret… been there, done that, and I didn’t want to do it again. This was a year full of heartache, of all different kinds, but out of that I have grown stronger and wiser. I have come to realize that I can’t always please everyone. In realizing that, I have seen how finally learning to stand up for myself and my feelings, has really revealed to me my true friends. I’m thankful for the great memories I have from 2008, but I pray for even more this new year.

Now, I know that some people say that New Year resolutions are never kept, and are pointless to make. But, I’m going to try for it anyway. I have a list… so I am hoping that I will at least be able to keep some of them.

ONE. I need to pray more. I really do need to work on my prayer life because I know that will strengthen my relationship with God. I do pray, don’t get me wrong. But I tend to forget to do so on a daily basis… and I often forget to pray for myself and the things I am struggling with. So, that is first and foremost on my list.

TWO. I need to read my bible more. That’s just it. I don’t do it nearly as often as I should… mostly because I don’t know where to turn first. I wasn’t really raised in a church, I never really went to Sunday school… so I don’t even know some of the basic facts about the Word. I need to change that.

THREE. Be surrounded by less drama and just get past the issues that were making things “weird”. I am an adult… and whether or not other people choose to act like one, I realize that I need to. Although I feel like I have done what I thought was right, clearly it wasn’t good enough. So, this year I am going to work on confronting my issues and get things resolved once and for all.

FOUR. The same one that everyone else makes every year: get fit. I really need to get back on track with my exercising. I also need to start being more aware of my portions while I am eating. There is NO way I am going to go on some crazy diet and eat only salads and fruit… I just can’t do that. I just need to watch how much I eat and when. Then, starting a stable exercise routine… mix it up a bit… get into the best shape I’ve been for a while before I leave for camp this summer.

FIVE. I want to start making more meals at home. I’m getting tired of frozen Lean Cuisine meals all the time, as well as turkey or ham sandwiches. I need to add a little something different into my meals, which I think will help me from going out to eat as much. So, I need to talk to my dad and start getting more of a variety of groceries.

SIX. I need to clean and be more organized. Now, I don’t mean obsessive compulsive status… but I am getting tired of the constant clutter. So by the end of January, I hope to have my room all cleaned up and I will try my absolute best to keep it that way all year.

SEVEN. I need to work on blogging more often. Now, I know that’s not a very serious resolution, but I think it’s a valid one. I believe that blogging is a good way to communicate and share your thoughts that maybe you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing any other way. So, I am going to try to do a “blog prompt” every week at least.

EIGHT. I need to finish writing a story and/or script. I always have these ideas in my head, and I constantly talk about how I want to make a movie someday. But that is never going to happen if I can’t complete one of my stories. I need to do that this year.

NINE. I want to start scrapbooking… or at least print out pictures and put them in albums. I used to do that all the time. However, since I got a digital camera, I never print out my pictures. That makes me kind of sad. So, I hope that by the end of this year, I will have created my “2008 yearbook” album.

TEN. Travel, travel, travel. I did a lot of that throughout 2008, but I want to do even more in 2009. This month, I already have plans to go on a Disney Cruise to the Caribbean with my step-dad, so that’s pretty exciting. Then, from mid-June to mid-August, I will be in Pennsylvania working at Trails End Camp with Cassandra… and I am totally excited! I also have a trip in planning to New York right after Christmas this year, to celebrate the welcoming of 2010 in Time Square. So, I already have a few adventures to look forward to… but there is a lot of time in between those that is waiting to be filled with even more great adventures!!

That seems like a long list, but I think I can do it all. I’m sure I will come up with even more as time goes by. But for now, if I can make those resolutions come true… I know that 2009 would one of the best years of my life.

May God bless you this New Year.
Laugh loud, smile often, love tons and enjoy life :)