The grass is always greener...

Call me selfish or stubborn, but I am just so frustrated right now... I need to write and let it out.

Tonight was supposed to be a fun one, hanging out with friends and playing games. But early on into it, I received a text message from my mom that made me so upset I had to step outside.

So, my sister, Amanda, has gone up to Washington to spend some time with her father and step-mom this summer. She is supposed to be coming back down sometime in July. Now, my sister has always preferred time with them over time with my mom and step-dad. I'm sure if it's mostly because they let her do pretty much whatever she wants, they don't give her many restrictions, and she finally has a chance to be "herself"--but she's always ranted and raved about how much she loved being with them. Then, she would come home and have to start living by the rules set in our house, and it would drive her crazy. There was a time in high school where she really started to rebel. She began to do a lot of stuff behind our parents' backs... and even mine when I thought I could trust her. Because of this, my mom began to put her on tighter restrictions. It took quite a while for them to loosen their reigns, but I think it was rightfully so. By the time she started college, she had pretty much gained back most of their trust and they treated her like an adult.

Well, now she's up there visiting her dad. My mom received a call from my sister tonight in which they were dicussing flight arrangements for Amanda to come home. Then, they all got on conference call because Amanda apparently had an announcement to make. She said that she has decided that she wants to move up to Moses Lake, WA to live her dad and step-mom... which means dropping out of Cal State Fullerton (after just completing her first year) and attending their local community college instead. When I read that in the text message from my mom, I was almost instantly filled with anger. I started to respond, then decided I should step outside and call my mom instead.

I called her, and she answered... crying. My mom and I have had our ups and downs... which is normal. We don't always agree and sometimes we say or do things that hurt each other. However, I couldn't help but feel really sorry for her. She started to explain exactly what happened, told me how the conversation went and how she felt. After listening--and taking that time to cool down a bit-- I voiced my opinion. I told my mom not to stress or be upset about it. Amanda is an adult and, therefore, can make her own decisions. If she wants to move out of state to live with her dad, then that's her choice.

BUT, along with that decision she's going to have to realize how much she is giving up. My parents have always done their best to provide for us. She's had her own room since elementary school. She's always gotten new clothes and shoes whenever she needed. They paid tons of money and spent lots of time getting her through acting/modeling classes, taking 2 trips to New York City for IMTA competitions--at which she actually got signed by an agent here in Los Angeles. They gave her a car that was practically new to drive, while my step-dad goes car-less most of the week. They paid her tuition, gas and insurance all through her entire first year of college. They weren't making her get a job so that she could keep her focus on school. These are just the main things my parents have done for her. Looking at all that, her life doesn't seem so hard now does it?

Yet, for some reason, she is convinced that the grass is greener on the other side. I just don't understand how she can just take all of that for granted. If I was her, I would be jumping at the opportunity to pursue that acting career-- I was never given the chance to like she was. Her and I recently got into a HUGE fight about it, in fact. I tried to convince her not to give it up... to keep in touch with her agent and try to do it on the side of school, with her free time. Yet she argued saying that she didn't want to anymore, that she just wanted to focus entirely on school and get it done as soon as possible, so she could teach high school theater. And now, now she is willing to throw it all away to go to some community college in the middle of nowhere? She was so head-strong, so sure that she was right and I was wrong... and now look at the situation.

Also, after some of the things her dad has done... I don't understand how she can still be so blinded by him. She thinks that living with him will be some kind of fairytale. But believe me, if she knew some of the stuff I know about him, I don't think she would want to anymore. These things, though, we haven't shared with her because we didn't want to hurt her or make her feel unwanted. All I have to say is that she doesn't realize how much trouble my mom and step-dad have gone through for her. It breaks my heart that she can just drop them and think life would be better off away from them.

Her and I had become very close at one point... but we've began to drift apart. She actually told me not too long ago that she can't really talk to me "because we don't really see eye-to-eye on many things." Oh, well excuse me. Isn't it good to talk to someone with a different opinion every once in a while? I'm sorry that I'm only your sister trying to be there for you and not one of your cool liberal friends trying to convince you that there can be world peace if only she stands up for any person who has ever been wronged. She has a good heart and good intentions, yet she can't seem to wake-up from her dreamworld and see that not everyone sees things the way she does.

Whatever. She's an adult. She can make her own decisions. Since she's an adult, she can also find herself a job and start taking more responsibility for herself. She can get her own car and her own insurance. I'm just glad to know that she's willing to just leave us behind on the drop of a hat, to go live with her cooler family. I just hope that she doesn't completely lose grip of reality and begin to compromise the bits and pieces of good morals that she believes in now.

I don't think this is the best decision for her at the moment. But who I am to say what is right and what is wrong? All I can say is that her decision has hurt my mom more than she will ever know. And that is not okay with me.