Yeah, basically.

In the wise words of Weezer:

"I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

No I don't care
I don't care"



(Oh... and everyone should go see "Seven Pounds," starring Will Smith. It's amazing.)

Hope for a Good New Year.

Last night we wished good riddance to 2008, and welcomed 2009 with open arms.

So much has changed over the last year... and I've learned many, many lessons. 2008 was full of good times and also some bad. But what year isn’t? I’ve gone on many adventures and missed opportunities… lost some friends and gained new ones… laughed ‘til I cried and cried ‘til I laughed… I really think this was the year of give and take. I tried not to do anything that I would regret… been there, done that, and I didn’t want to do it again. This was a year full of heartache, of all different kinds, but out of that I have grown stronger and wiser. I have come to realize that I can’t always please everyone. In realizing that, I have seen how finally learning to stand up for myself and my feelings, has really revealed to me my true friends. I’m thankful for the great memories I have from 2008, but I pray for even more this new year.

Now, I know that some people say that New Year resolutions are never kept, and are pointless to make. But, I’m going to try for it anyway. I have a list… so I am hoping that I will at least be able to keep some of them.

ONE. I need to pray more. I really do need to work on my prayer life because I know that will strengthen my relationship with God. I do pray, don’t get me wrong. But I tend to forget to do so on a daily basis… and I often forget to pray for myself and the things I am struggling with. So, that is first and foremost on my list.

TWO. I need to read my bible more. That’s just it. I don’t do it nearly as often as I should… mostly because I don’t know where to turn first. I wasn’t really raised in a church, I never really went to Sunday school… so I don’t even know some of the basic facts about the Word. I need to change that.

THREE. Be surrounded by less drama and just get past the issues that were making things “weird”. I am an adult… and whether or not other people choose to act like one, I realize that I need to. Although I feel like I have done what I thought was right, clearly it wasn’t good enough. So, this year I am going to work on confronting my issues and get things resolved once and for all.

FOUR. The same one that everyone else makes every year: get fit. I really need to get back on track with my exercising. I also need to start being more aware of my portions while I am eating. There is NO way I am going to go on some crazy diet and eat only salads and fruit… I just can’t do that. I just need to watch how much I eat and when. Then, starting a stable exercise routine… mix it up a bit… get into the best shape I’ve been for a while before I leave for camp this summer.

FIVE. I want to start making more meals at home. I’m getting tired of frozen Lean Cuisine meals all the time, as well as turkey or ham sandwiches. I need to add a little something different into my meals, which I think will help me from going out to eat as much. So, I need to talk to my dad and start getting more of a variety of groceries.

SIX. I need to clean and be more organized. Now, I don’t mean obsessive compulsive status… but I am getting tired of the constant clutter. So by the end of January, I hope to have my room all cleaned up and I will try my absolute best to keep it that way all year.

SEVEN. I need to work on blogging more often. Now, I know that’s not a very serious resolution, but I think it’s a valid one. I believe that blogging is a good way to communicate and share your thoughts that maybe you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing any other way. So, I am going to try to do a “blog prompt” every week at least.

EIGHT. I need to finish writing a story and/or script. I always have these ideas in my head, and I constantly talk about how I want to make a movie someday. But that is never going to happen if I can’t complete one of my stories. I need to do that this year.

NINE. I want to start scrapbooking… or at least print out pictures and put them in albums. I used to do that all the time. However, since I got a digital camera, I never print out my pictures. That makes me kind of sad. So, I hope that by the end of this year, I will have created my “2008 yearbook” album.

TEN. Travel, travel, travel. I did a lot of that throughout 2008, but I want to do even more in 2009. This month, I already have plans to go on a Disney Cruise to the Caribbean with my step-dad, so that’s pretty exciting. Then, from mid-June to mid-August, I will be in Pennsylvania working at Trails End Camp with Cassandra… and I am totally excited! I also have a trip in planning to New York right after Christmas this year, to celebrate the welcoming of 2010 in Time Square. So, I already have a few adventures to look forward to… but there is a lot of time in between those that is waiting to be filled with even more great adventures!!

That seems like a long list, but I think I can do it all. I’m sure I will come up with even more as time goes by. But for now, if I can make those resolutions come true… I know that 2009 would one of the best years of my life.

May God bless you this New Year.
Laugh loud, smile often, love tons and enjoy life :)

I just wanna help.

When my friends are hurting, it's like I automatically take on their pain as well. If they are scared, I'm scared for them. If they are heartbroken, my heart aches as well. If they are angry, I'm right there ready to fight.

I try to be someone who is easy to talk to... someone that people feel comfortable to turn to when they need a shoulder to cry on. It makes me sad to see my friends hurt, but I know that sometimes all it takes is someone who cares. I know that's how I am... sometimes all I need is someone to talk to.

But it hurts me even more when my friends are hurting, yet don't want the help. It breaks my heart to see the ones I love and care about fall apart at the seems, yet they don't want to admit it. To think that they would rather go on pretending that everything is okay, or just close themselves off from the world thinking it will be better that way... it just makes me cry.

There's only so much I can do. If someone is not willing to accept the help or is too scared to show their brokeness, I can't force them. So, instead, I have to sit back... and hope and pray that they don't end up hurting themselves anymore than they already hurt. It kills me.

Still, who am I to say that people need to be more open with their thoughts or feelings. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am too willing to share how I feel. Maybe I should stop trying to force it out of people and just let them handle their pain the way they feel is best. I don't know.

Regardless, if I ever pry or bother you too much, wanting to know how you are doing or if you are okay... please know that it's not me trying to be nosey or tell you what to do... it's just how I show that I care. And when I love someone, I can't just sit back and do nothing. It's just not how I work. I can't NOT do anything.

I don't ever want that one time I didn't ask... that one time I didn't reach out... to pass by and then it be too late.

Twlight. Don't. Just don't.

Went to the midnight showing of "Twilight" last night. *shudders* Good thing I prepared myself for disappointment! They mixed up the order of practically everything, the dialogue was pathetic, the actors should invest in some acting classes, the cheezy looks and special effects got old... I think we all found it to be way more humorous than we were supposed to! LOL! I was sitting next to Susanna, and we just made sarcastic remarks the whole time. It was awesome. I feel bad for Stephenie Meyer... I loved the book... but the movie, it sucked. I will be adding that to the list of movies I must make someday. LOL. Oh, (my computer is being lame again and won't let me start a new paragraph) I start back at Bed Bath & Beyond tonight. I'm totally nervous... and I don't know why. It's not like I'm new. Well, I mean, I will be new, but I'm not like NEW new. Haha! I just hope it goes well... I'm scared. LOL @ myself!

Okay. False Alarm.

Thank you guys for all of your concerns and prayers... but it looks like Candice had another "smack myself on the forehead, I'm a complete idiot" moment on Sunday morning. Heh. I feel like a COMPLETE idiot. ha

As I was quadruple checking all my class stuff yesterday, I decided to go online and check the required course list. I thought that maybe, by some chance, the class list I had was old and not up to date or something. So, I was like "please let it be 471! Please let it be 471!"... sure enough, when the list opened... they changed the requirement to L/ST 471, instead of L/ST 403! So, that means, I freaked out for no reason! I guess I had grabbed the required course list before they updated it. This means all of the classes I need ARE available in the spring! YAY!

HOWEVER... as I was registering, the system wouldn't let me add my two math courses. I tried like 3 times, but with no luck. So I called the school to talk to someone... you know, cause there always has to be some kind of problem, right? The lady informed me that the classes I was trying to get into require that I COMPLETE the pre-requisites before I can enroll into them. Now, you see, I'm currently taking the class that is required before I can take those... and that was never an issue before. But I guess they are getting more strict and so now no one is allowed to register for the next class until our grades are submitted for the pre-requisite. (Am I losing anyone here? lol).

Basically, I have to wait until late December or early January when my current grades are submitted so that I can register for the last 2 classes I need in the spring. They sent out an email later in the day yesterday all about it... I'm guessing because they got a bunch of calls from other people who were having the same problem. Now, I have to hope and pray that these last 2 classes don't get filled up before I can join them...

PLEASE God, let me get these classes! I just wanna be done with school!

Just when I thought I was set.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning to do some things before church... the dishes, laundry, pick and organize my classes so I'm ready to register for spring in the morning. In process of looking through the classes I need versus what was available, I discovered something that made me want to cry...

... one of the classes I need is NOT available this coming up spring. Oh, yeah sure, that doesn't sound all that bad when you first think about it. But to me, it's heartbreaking. I don't just need that class... I NEED that class! I met with my counselor earlier this semester and she was kind enough to work out a deal with me. I still had three capstone courses, as well as 2 additional math courses to take before I could graduate. But she told me that she would wave one of the math courses for me so I could graduate, as long as I registered and took all the other classes. Sure, no problem, that's perfect. So, I filed for graduation... I was going to be graduating in May, 2009. You have no idea how excited I was. To finally be done with school?! To know that I would only have to go BACK to school if I WANTED to?! It was an amazing feeling!

Since I knew I was gonna be done with school, I applied for a job at Trails End Camp, along with Cassandra, for next summer. That's where she went this past summer and she had such a great time. I told myself, "this may be the last chance I have to do something like this. I may never be able to experience it once I start an actual carreer. I'm gonna go for it!" So I did. And I had a phone interview on Friday morning, which went really well. We are pretty sure that I got the job. So that was amazing! I was so excited! All I had left to do was to watch a video online and sign up for a 2nd interview. Then, if that went well, I would have it and I would be set for a fun, exciting summer doing something I have never done before.

Now... however... all of that has been shattered. The class that I need... not one of the classes that she can wave in order for me to graduate. No. It's a capstone class, I have to take it in order to graduate. My parents were so excited that I would be graduating. I've told EVERYONE. It pisses me off beyond belief that one class... ONE STUPID FREAKING POINTLESS CLASS... can stop me now. It pisses me off that something so effing minute can put such a major roadblock on my life.

I'm gonna see what I can do. I gotta see if there's any way to get around this. But as of right now... it's just not looking good.

History has been made.

Well... here we are... Election Day: Nov. 4, 2008.

I woke up extra early this morning to finish some homework... but more importantly, to get to the polling place to wait in line before it opened, in order to vote before having to go to school. I got there around 6:40am. I was the 10th-ish person in line. The whole time I was waiting (except for when I was texting), I was praying. Praying for America. Praying that God would bless us and lead people to vote for what was right, not for what was "cool" or "new". Even when I was dobbing ink onto my voter ballot, I was praying. I was praying as hard as I could. Then, I got into my car, in the drizzle, and started to drive away. As I was driving, I was suddenly hit with a really strong sense of fear... fear for the future of our country... fear that people were not going to pay much attention to the actual issues, but rather just vote based off what they've seen on television. I almost began to cry. Maybe that sounds stupid... but it really worried me. I see the people around me... and I see how the morals are changing day by day.

Everywhere I turned, I only heard people boasting and hollering about Obama. I voted for McCain... I voted based on his experience and dedication to our country. I got annoyed with the constant teasing about his age, like it would really have an effect on his ability to run a country. Majority of the people I talked to, however, planned to vote for Obama. But that was to be expected of course, living in Southern CA afterall. Still, only once did I actually hear someone have a REAL explanation and reason why they supported him. Everyone else based their decision simply on the fact that he is African-American and/or because they hate President Bush, and therefore hate ALL republicans. Hearing arguments such as those really turned me off to Obama... and the thought of him running our country.

Also living in Southern CA, we were constantly being pressured into voting "No" on Prop 8. I know people who have been dealing with all kinds of emotions over these issues. I'm not one to shoot down people or their opinions. I'm willing to listen and understand, as long as they can do the same. But, the more I took a look around, the more I realized that people couldn't care less about what us Christians had to say. We are supposed to be tolerant, and yet they can be rude and rub it in our faces. No. That's not how it works. If someone wants me to be understanding and listen to what they have to say, then they must learn to return the favor. I am getting tired of having to be afraid to offend someone while, at the same time, having their beliefs shoved down my throat. I voted "Yes" on Prop 8. I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle... as a Christian, I need to stand by what I believe. Now, maybe you don't agree with me, and that's fine. But all I ask is that you respect my opinion, and I will respect yours in return. I know a couple people who are gay. I do not look at them differently, I do not treat them as if they are any less human than I am, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them. If I want to support the protection of marriage between only a man and a woman, then that is my own personal decision... and it is not meant as an attack or descrimination against gay/lesbian couples. A person cannot decide their ethnicity, but I believe it is a person's personal choice to be gay or lesbian. It is simply my personal belief. Accept it, or don't.

As of right now, the results are 54% yes and 46% no for Prop 8. I'm praying that it stays that way.

Obama just said tonight in his speech: "The new dawn of American leadership is at hand." Well, I guess we will see. Of course I am in favor of positive change. But people need to keep in mind that it is easier said than done. A promise can easily be made... but keeping it and making it happen is a whole different story. Often times, people forget about the ripple effect of presidency: a president may make the decision or plan, but the results aren't visible until the next president is already in office... and this happens in both positive and negative ways. Also, a person can be a great public speaker and promise change, no problem. But being a great public speaker does NOT guarantee great leadership. For all we know, he could be all talk and no action. However, I truly hope that is not the case. I hope that Obama will prove my worries to be unnecessary. I suppose only time will tell.

I have to just hang onto the hope and faith that God is ultimately in control... and that a president can't make all decisions on his own. I love being a citizen of the USA... and I am thankful to have the right to speak my mind and stand up for what I believe. I am also thankful to have the right to vote. That is a right that no one should take for granted... people fought hard to earn that right. I hope that everyone reading this did their part today and voted.

If you didn't vote, I better not hear you complain about anything political over the next 4 years.

I'm done rambling now.

May God bless the USA.